Believe in Yourself

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." 
(http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/203714.Henry_Ford )

Self-belief or self-confidence is a key to reaching your goals.  According to Mark Tyrrell, self-belief is a learnable trait.  In order to grow in self-confidence, you must silence your inner critic.  You must turn weaknesses into strengths.  You must be your own coach or cheerleader.  You must stop comparing yourself to others.  You must learn not to take criticism personally.  Remember that self-belief gives you the strength to take action, to bring you closer to your goal.    

Once you establish your goal, don't let anyone or anything deter you from that goal.  When Rob and I decided to adopt a baby, it was like I put on blinders.  I became oblivious to the naysayers, to the critics.  All I saw was my goal.  I kept my eyes on the prize.  I was a woman on a mission and no one was going to stop me.  Within a year and a half, I was holding my bundle of joy.  

When Roger Bannister set out to break the four-minute mile, he tried to accomplish something that hadn't ever been done, despite the efforts of many.  In May of 1954, he crossed the finish line, his arms upraised, in under four minutes.  It was like a barrier was broken, not just the ticker tape on the track, but a barrier in the mind of all runners that the four minute mile was possible.  The words "It can be done!" ran through their minds.  Within weeks, in July of 1954, two more runners broke the four-minute mile at the Commonwealth Games.  And the rest is history.  

When I think of self-belief, I think of the son of an itinerant race horse trainer who was asked to complete a project in high school.  Not accustomed to receiving good marks, since he was on the road a lot with his dad, he put his heart and soul into the assignment, nonetheless.  The teacher asked him to write a paper about what he wanted to do when he grew up.  The boy wrote a detailed paper about his plans to own a horse ranch.  He even drew a diagram of the 200 acre ranch, showing the location of the buildings, stables and track.  He included a 4000 square foot house that sat on the ranch.  

Two days later, the teacher handed back his assignment, marked with a big red "F" and the words "See me after class."  The boy met with the teacher who said:  "This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you.  You have no money.  You come from an itinerant family.  You have no resources...There's no way you could ever do it."  Then she added:  "If you will rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade."  

The boy went home with the paper and asked his father what to do.  His father left the decision in the hands of his son, knowing that it was an important decision to make.  Finally, after a week, the boy returned to the teacher with his answer:  "You can keep the F and I'll keep my dream."  

The boy kept his school paper.  Today it's sit in a frame over his fireplace in his 4000 square foot house on his 200 acre horse farm.  Listen to your heart.  Don't let anyone steal your dreams!

Source:  "Follow Your Dream", Chicken Soup for the Soul (1993) at http://www.chickensoup.com/.    

For more information, read The Power of Self-Belief by Oluseyi Eyitayo at http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Self-Belief-Oluseyi-Eyitayo/dp/1857566394.

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Surround Yourself with Who You Want to Be

"Associate yourself with people of good quality.  It is better to be alone than in bad company." (Booker T. Washington)

You don't do it alone.  You need help along the road to success.  You need help in your effort to achieve your life's goals.  If you are a business person, seek out talented people.  As Henry Ford said: "I am not the smartest, but I surround myself with competent people."  Develop potential leaders. Once your business grows, and you have to delegate responsibility, you can assign managerial tasks to these leaders.

Seek out the best employees.  Author P.J. O'Rourke, when writing about the Vietnam War protests and Women's Movement, maintained that:  "It's the beautiful women who are always on the edge of social trends."  While you don't necessarily have to hire beautiful people, you should hire professional looking people.  How you look after yourself says a lot about your personality; it shows you care.   

Create an environment of collegiality.  Learn how to build people up.  I once taught for a principal who had a talent for building his teachers up.  He focussed on our strengths, rather than our weaknesses.  I would have followed him anywhere, to any school, but he retired shortly after that.  

Joel Osteen says:  "Surround yourself with people that inspire you,  that challenge you to rise higher, that make you better."  If you are a student, seek out fellow students who will do just that.  When my husband Rob was in university, he had a friend who was always questioning Rob's work ethic.  "Why do you work so hard?" he asked.  "I barely try and I'm getting grades almost as good as you."  So, after two years of being on the Dean's Honour List, Rob slacked off in his third year.  He didn't make it on the honour roll.  In the meantime, his friend was furiously working away, trying to achieve "A's".  Mid-way through third year, Rob decided to pull up his socks and his grades gradually climbed back up.  His friend, however, couldn't sustain the pace.  He dropped out at the end of the year.  By fourth year, thankfully, Rob was back on the Dean's Honour List.   

Seek out people who build you up, who rejoice with you in your success.  Maybe you are a couple trying to adopt a baby.  I remember when Rob and I were on the waiting list to adopt a baby.  We had friends at the time who were also trying to adopt.  I took a proactive stance by completing a home study and getting on two waiting lists.  I also circulated 400 business cards telling people that my husband and I were searching for a baby to adopt.  While I heard several horror stories about couples waiting ten years and still not getting a child, I hung on to two local success stories.  If they could do it, so could we!  Meanwhile, my friend sat at home and did nothing.  Within a year and a half, I called her with the exciting news that we had a baby.  She did not sound happy for me.  In fact, she asked:  "Why did you get a baby instead of me?"  

Seek out people who you can trust.  If you're running a business, trust is tantamount. Trustworthy employees are worth their weight in gold.  You are not just trusting them with your money, but also your reputation.  Trustworthy business associates are also valuable.  If you open a business with someone, check their record first.  Are they already in massive debt? Did they already fail at business once (or more)?  

Say you're looking for a potential mate.  A trustworthy spouse not only helps build a good marriage, but also a good family.  You need someone who will make a good husband or wife.  Just as importantly, someone who will be a good role model for your future children (or present children, if you are widowed or divorced).  Choosing a spouse will likely be the most important decision you ever make.  Choose wisely!  

Seek out positive people.  "We become part of what we are around."  If you hang around people who are constantly swearing, chances are you are going to pick up the habit.  If you associate with people who are constantly complaining, odds are you will start grumbling too.  If you surround yourself with lazy people, chances are your productivity level will also go down.    Seek out people who have a talent for seeing the glass as half full, rather than half empty.  As Roy Bennett says:  "You cannot surround yourself with negative people and expect positive outcomes." 

Seek out others who are striving for a common goal.  Draw on their inspiration and encouragement. It's comforting to meet others who are in the same boat as you, to know that you are not in it alone.   

Note:  For more information, read The Winning Side:  How to Associate Yourself with Success by Stanley F. Bronstein http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-winning-side-how-to-associate-yourself-with-success/.

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Christmas Decorating chez Jonasson

I always said that the person I married would have to be tall, intelligent and make me laugh.  Of course, it also went without saying that he would have to make a good father.  One of the things I love about Rob is his joy for Christmas and the Advent season.  With snowflakes falling outside, today is the perfect day to put up the Christmas tree.

The tradition is that Rob puts up the Christmas tree (http://www.bhg.com/christmas/trees/how-to-decorate-a-christmas-tree/).  When we were first married he did it himself.  It was particularly sad sixteen years ago when, after six and a half years of marriage, we celebrated another Christmas without children.  That all changed when we adopted Thomas, and brought him home only three weeks later.

Now, Rob and Thomas put up the tree.  Four and a half years later, we were joined by another baby, Jacqueline.  At first she just got in the way when Rob decorated the house.  She actually undid the work that Rob did, taking off every last candy cane that Rob hung on the branches, taking each one behind the chair and eating it.  But after a few years, Jacqueline started to help, too, hanging ornaments on the branches of the tree.

Then our black cat with mint coloured eyes named Midnight Mint joined the family.  And like Jacqueline, she hinders the decorating process.  After Rob carefully hangs all of the ornaments, she proceeds to climb up the middle of the tree and hang from the top, knocking every last one off.

So, today the tradition continues.  Rob will put on an eclectic mix of Christmas music, everything from "Give This Chrismtas Away" from the Veggietales Story of St. Nicholas to the Motown Christmas CD.  Thomas will stand with branches in his hand.  Jacqueline will sift through the cardboard boxes for her favourite ornaments.  And Midnight will hide under the couch ready to pounce.  It's Christmas chez Jonasson.